little Happy Meeting - Volume 11

Make it a Double

My kids are grown, but not yet married. They’re busy doing their own thing, but once or twice a year we all get together and do a little something. A few years ago, we rented a houseboat on Table Rock Lake in Missouri. We spent less than a week together, but the details of the trip are firmly stored in my memory and have been shared many times. The trip was exceptional, mishaps and all.

I am a big Detroit Lions fan (who isn’t, right, they’re beasts?). Last year, the Lions had a great year — and if you know the Lions, you’ll know this is not common. The games looked explosive and I was itching to be there, but the price of admission was steep. This year, I budgeted to buy game tickets (do I really need those new shoes?) and am incredibly excited to watch them win (albeit from nosebleed seats).

At least once a week, I share a drink and a laugh with friends. We usually talk about our lives and joke about silly inconsequential things. I love these moments.

These examples bring me to the next topic.

It’s not what you have, it’s what you do.

Think about your last investment in an experience (a hike in the woods, a trip to a new destination, eating at a new restaurant with friends). How did it make you feel? What do you remember about it? Now, think about one of the last material investments you made (furniture, headphones, tennis shoes, a car). What do you remember about this purchase? What emotions were attached to it?

I’m sure you guessed by my not-so-subtle questions the point I am trying to make and the research fully supports, that investing in experiences makes people happier than investing in material goods (regardless of the cost of the item). Most of us are in search of happiness and often think that buying a material item will do the trick. After all, a possession lasts longer than an experience. While these investments can lead to in-the-moment happiness, the happiness boost is short-lived. I’m sure you can attest that the last big ticket item you bought made you genuinely happy for about a nanosecond (okay, maybe a bit longer).

Note: While we tend to be happy and satisfied with material purchases, they do little to boost our well-being in the long run.

Why do investments in experiences bring more happiness than material purchases?

• Experiences are more meaningfully connected with our identities. They teach us, enrich us, and shape who we are.

• Memories of experiences are more detailed and meaningful and more likely to be recalled later in life (you may argue that you remember buying your first car, but, unless you’re a car enthusiast your most detailed memories likely involve experiences with the car, like driving your friends to a high school party or learning how to drive a stick shift with your dad).

• Experiences are more open to positive reinterpretations. Your recent trip may have been rife with anxious moments, but you only remember the good parts and reinterpretations of the bad. Like when you beach an 80-foot houseboat that you need help to refloat (a costly error that, in retrospect, was “not so bad”).

• Because the experiences are often shared, they contribute more to our social relationships. Material possessions are independent purchases and don’t lend themselves to many shared experiences, so they tend not to strengthen bonds.

• Waiting for an experience is more pleasurable and exciting than waiting for a material possession. We spend more time anticipating and savoring experiences.

• There is less clutter with experiences. Experiences come with little to no physical baggage (aside from the occasional souvenir matchbook). Personal possessions, however, take up mental and physical space — and can become a burden. A new car, for example, comes with thoughts about insurance, maintenance, resale value, storage, etc. Boring mental stuff.

• Experiences lead to greater mindfulness. Research shows that wandering minds are less happy minds and that the better you are at staying present and in the moment the happier you are. Experiences provide greater opportunities for this.

• Material goods tend to lose their impact, psychologically, over time (even if they continue to be used), while experiences do not.

The best thing about experiences is that they don’t need to cost a lot (or anything at all).

Experiences that Pack the Biggest Punch

So, do all experiences have the intended impact on subjective well-being? No, all experiences are not created equally. A review of the research has shown that:

• Meaningful experiences (like reading a novel that expands your mind) have a greater influence on happiness than trivial ones (such as solo video game playing).

• New and diverse experiences tend to have an important impact. Research shows that these non-routine experiences are related to our subjective well-being.

• Experiences shared with others (even if with strangers, who are not yet friends) are more impactful than solo experiences. Shared experiences become part of your story. Working on a project with another volunteer will contribute more to your happiness than simply sharing a bus with another tourist.

• Research shows that planning special events has added benefits. Not only will you experience the event and have memories of it (retrospective), but planning may add to your happiness as you are more likely to anticipate it and imagine what the event will be like.

When I struggle to find and decide upon an experience to invest in (you can only do so much), I opt for something I haven’t tried (walking a different path, eating a new cuisine). I also look around me for inspiration (e.g., the TV show ‘Top Chef’ inspired me to try new restaurants and attempt to recreate some of their recipes).

If you need inspiration to help you discover new experiences, look no further.

1. Take a different route. You may notice something new you’d like to try (a park, restaurant, library, boutique).

2. Get inspired by your favorite book or TV show. Research shows that we are happier doing than observing, so if they’re doing something cool in your favorite book, you can too.

3. Change the time you go to bed or wake up in the morning. I started waking up before the birds. I have discovered different sounds, sights, and people. Staying out past 9 is on my ‘to-do’ list, though.

4. Find your community’s freebies. A library class, lecture, or event; a festival; yoga in the park; a local farmer’s market.

5. Do what the locals do. Whenever I travel, I try to find something the locals do. As a Michigan native, we don’t get the opportunity to go crab fishing. During my last visit to Oregon, that is exactly what I did.

6. Ask about and listen to others’ experiences. What others do, we can too!