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- little Happy Meeting - v. 19
little Happy Meeting - v. 19
Put up your dukes
Rebecca Malatesta
September 23, 2024
Hello Brave Soul,
You know that feeling you get when you do something a little bit terrifying — like giving a speech, asking out your crush, standing up for your beliefs, or eating a ghost pepper? The before is frightening, but, I think you’ll agree that there are few better feelings than the after. You came, you saw, you crushed it!
Courage is a character strength that is inextricably tied to our happiness and well-being. We feel good when we are engaged in virtuous activities or goals — more so even than when pursuing hedonistic pleasures (like indulging in a big slice of cake). When we face challenges and overcome them, we can achieve our goals. This comes with a sense of accomplishment — which contributes to our happiness and life satisfaction.
The only thing to fear is….well, you know the rest
We all know that fear causes us to experience some level of apprehension— as well as associated physiological and behavioral responses. Courage requires us to resist the behavioral response (e.g., wanting to run away) and ignore or overcome the physiological experience associated with this fear (e.g., ignoring those darn sweaty palms). Accomplished athletes know this better than many — after all, they’ve had to overcome the potential physical pain needed to achieve their level of success. Courage is also called for in emotional, social, and moral situations — such as when you anticipate potential embarrassment, job loss, or loss of a relationship. You may find, for example, that it’s hard to tell a friend that they need to be a wee bit more sensitive when declining a party invitation or diplomatic when leaving it early.
For what it’s worth
Undergraduate student me avoided public speaking like the plague. Unfortunately, this type of class was required for graduation — and though I contemplated my options, the image of my mother telling her friends ‘shame, she was just one class shy of graduation’ was enough for me to register for one at a local community college. On day one (day one!), the teacher asked us to prepare a speech about a skill we possessed. I didn’t wanna fail, but I also didn’t want to talk about my lack of anything noteworthy. With some thought, however, I discovered a work around; one that would minimize my time in the spotlight. On the day of my speech, I stood up showed the class a store bought cake with the words ‘the perfect cake’ piped on it — and told them my skill was making a cake to perfection. Cowardice personified. I know, I know, it was lame — but I happily took my pity grade of a B and moved on.
Over the years, though, I have made it my goal to put myself out there and do things that scare me. There have been bumps, to be sure, but I have found that it gets so much easier with practice.
You are more courageous than you think
Some types of courage will come easily to mind, while others might not be so obvious. This list will show you that you are no stranger to courage — you have overcome some fears and should be fortified in knowing that you can do anything you set your mind to (well, maybe not anything — my momma didn’t raise no song bird).
You have shown courage when:
being bold. Asking for a raise or admitting to a friend that you despise pickleball.
having the courage to act. Rescuing your pet from a pack of German Shepherd or, on difficult days, simply getting out of bed.
standing up for what is right. Confronting a bully.
making uncomfortable decisions. Leaving a relationship that has run its course or declining a potentially good job opportunity for another.
saying you’re sorry. Copping to your mistakes isn’t easy, but doing so makes you pretty cool — like, saying “I’m sorry I stole your lightsaber, Darth.”
keeping commitments. Following through on your commitment to start the congo line at your best friend’s wedding.
forgiving someone (or yourself). Both are difficult and require courage. You may be mad, but it’s important to forgive Shamyra for falling asleep during your recital.
being you. It may be not easy, but show people the real you. If you love musicals, embrace your creative self (“Don’t dream too far. Don’t lose sight of who you are.” Can you name this musical? Try to guess before you peek.)
”I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.”
Happy Task Number 19
Build Courage by Being Courageous
If you’re like Burt Lahr, you may ask how one finds courage. Courage can be developed with habit (ask Aristotle — he said it first or firstish). Try these — I think you’ll find that you’re stronger and more courageous than you imagined.
Start Small and Celebrate Micro-Moments. You don’t have to conquer your fear in one go, break it into smaller goals and celebrate the small achievements.
Book of Courage. Keep track/record each time you revealed your courageous self — e.g., you spoke up in class or at work or tried pilates for the first time. Reflect on how you felt and measure the change in comfort with each attempt.
Write it on the Wind. By putting ourselves out there, we are open to failure. Write your mistake on paper, crumble it up, and remind yourself that mistakes are normal and promote growth.
Courage is the Goal. Write down three courage goals. 1. Tell Shelby that her comments are belittling and disrespectful, 2. Talk to someone who may be a bit intimidating, 3. Try skydiving.
Model Other Brave Folks. Identify someone who demonstrates the courage you seek (and follow suit). It’s okay if you have to fake it at first.
Come back next week for another little happy task.
About the Author
Rebecca Malatesta, PhD, is an Industrial and Organizational Psychologist who teaches psychology at Oakland University, located in Rochester, Michigan. A major source of her happiness is her three adult children (Sam, Isabella, and Joe), her very own cowardly lion, Matthew, her friends and family, and the queen of her household, Babs.